Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Joys of parenthood
I find that when I am open to new experiences with my daughter, days are full of joy and fun and play and I get to accomplish most things. Days when I consumed by work, household responsibilities, the urge to write etc, I find myself in the narrow box of demands, deadlines and stress. My patience is non-existent and I can't wait to get her home and let her watch a cartoon for 30 minutes while I finish the "big" responsibilities and play being an adult. The truth is that it doesn't work, she won't leave me alone, her voice gets louder and more annoying and the only thing left is outbursts of anger and frustration. Within this box, there is only one road. That is to accomplish the task, the to do list of the day and the only obstacle on this road is the child who needs my constant attention.
When you step out the box, the world of wonder and imagination opens to you and you can allow your day to unfold rather you trying to control every second of the day. The key is being present. Children are always in the present moment, to try to talk to them about what happened yesterday or what's going to happen 2 weeks from now doesn't matter. They are present with their bodies, they have the capacity to listen to their bodies and be with it. Something you can learn from them. If there is an issue or a tantrum, it must be dealt right there in that moment. Trying to speak about later at home doesn't work. To speak the language of children is to be present, to be open and to be grounded. There is only the moment of now, there is only joy in parenting.
When you step out the box, the world of wonder and imagination opens to you and you can allow your day to unfold rather you trying to control every second of the day. The key is being present. Children are always in the present moment, to try to talk to them about what happened yesterday or what's going to happen 2 weeks from now doesn't matter. They are present with their bodies, they have the capacity to listen to their bodies and be with it. Something you can learn from them. If there is an issue or a tantrum, it must be dealt right there in that moment. Trying to speak about later at home doesn't work. To speak the language of children is to be present, to be open and to be grounded. There is only the moment of now, there is only joy in parenting.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
"bad parent"
I experienced my first “I am not such a good mom” moment crossing the street in San Francisco when stroller’s wheel got caught on something and stroller fell to the side with the baby in it. Don’t worry, nothing happened to the baby but at that moment, the whole world stopped. I remember getting everything back together when I noticed that no one was moving, all the eyes were on me. I could hear their thoughts “She should have been more aware”, “I can’t believe she did that, poor kid”, “What’s wrong with her? Why is she not paying attention?” etc. I blushed and continued my way home feeling guilty that my baby had to kiss the asphalt in the middle of the street in front of many people.
We live in a society where we love labeling everything, from products, foods, government, events, weather and people including our children. Everything has a value on it, it’s either good or it’s bad. As we communicate with others, our conversations are based on placing value on things. I didn’t like this driver, I really enjoy the weather etc and we are not shy to place our judgments on people. Just look at the tabloids and magazines talking about celebrities, our nation thrives on judgment. It brings me to the topic of this article, being a bad mother. After all being a “bad” mother is the worst crime you can commit.
Over the years I witnessed many mothers feeling guilty, having the feeling of "being a bad mother" and questioning themselves if they are doing the "right" thing or not.I remember growing up I was always taught that being a mother is the most responsible and serious job of all. When you are a mother, there is no room for mistakes, no space for failure.You have to be ON at all times; don’t even bother to think about yourself and try to have fun. I was taught that when you have a baby, you no longer matter and you are expected to do everything perfectly. As our family, culture and society places the expectations upon us as parents, often we feel compelled to meet these unreasonable demands and expectations to be the perfect parent and we struggle. The game changes from having fun and enjoying the space of motherhood to a challenge. It’s not unusual to hear how hard being a parent is. I hear moms and dads talk about how hard it is to be a parent all the time at the playgrounds. Being a mommy turns into effort and becomes hard work. Rather then BEING, we are DOING. We try to fit in within the cultural and social demands and expectations; our babies must behave at all times, they are not allowed to be loud, they are supposed to share their toys, no tantrums (especially in the public); we have to make sure they don’t get dirty and the list goes on. Of course children do all of that especially in public and they “humiliate the parent”. Am I a bad parent because I don’t respond to my child’s every cry? Am I a bad mother because I allow her to scream as loud as she can? Am I a bad mother because I allow her to run around and explore and be wild and be fearless? Am I a bad mother because I don’t believe in flu shots? Am I a bad mother because I laugh (as I am taking her away from the crime scene) when my daughter tries to open other kid's presents or when she fights over a toy?
A friend of mine referred me to her friend to come for a clairvoyant reading and got a surprising answer. Her friend remembered me and my “wild” child from an event and her respond was that she can’t go to someone who is a bad mother. “Her child was running everywhere and she was out of control, that’s not how children behave in my family” was her response. She saw me as a bad mother and because I am a “bad” mother, I can’t be a professional.
I am also aware that there are many parents who don’t take care of their children, who do not love, who deserve to stay away from their children but I am talking about our own self inflicted judgments about ourselves and what kind of parents we are supposed to be.
How about a parent who is present and who is capable of laughing when his child makes a scene in the street, how about a parent who understands that other people’s opinion doesn’t matter, a parent who knows that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. There is only you and what’s happening within your inner world. If you think you are not doing such a good job being a parent, look within and find the voice. Perhaps, you are simply trying to please everyone and you are trying fit within cultural expectations and perhaps, you are being hard on yourself. Sometimes, you will lose your temper and that’s OK, sometimes you will lose your patience and that’s OK, sometimes you will want to run away from your children and that’s OK, sometimes you will miss your child so much that when you see her next time, you will hold her tight until she runs away from you, sometimes, you would want to spend all day with your children and it wouldn't be enough.
We simply do our best and we are simply human.
We live in a society where we love labeling everything, from products, foods, government, events, weather and people including our children. Everything has a value on it, it’s either good or it’s bad. As we communicate with others, our conversations are based on placing value on things. I didn’t like this driver, I really enjoy the weather etc and we are not shy to place our judgments on people. Just look at the tabloids and magazines talking about celebrities, our nation thrives on judgment. It brings me to the topic of this article, being a bad mother. After all being a “bad” mother is the worst crime you can commit.
Over the years I witnessed many mothers feeling guilty, having the feeling of "being a bad mother" and questioning themselves if they are doing the "right" thing or not.I remember growing up I was always taught that being a mother is the most responsible and serious job of all. When you are a mother, there is no room for mistakes, no space for failure.You have to be ON at all times; don’t even bother to think about yourself and try to have fun. I was taught that when you have a baby, you no longer matter and you are expected to do everything perfectly. As our family, culture and society places the expectations upon us as parents, often we feel compelled to meet these unreasonable demands and expectations to be the perfect parent and we struggle. The game changes from having fun and enjoying the space of motherhood to a challenge. It’s not unusual to hear how hard being a parent is. I hear moms and dads talk about how hard it is to be a parent all the time at the playgrounds. Being a mommy turns into effort and becomes hard work. Rather then BEING, we are DOING. We try to fit in within the cultural and social demands and expectations; our babies must behave at all times, they are not allowed to be loud, they are supposed to share their toys, no tantrums (especially in the public); we have to make sure they don’t get dirty and the list goes on. Of course children do all of that especially in public and they “humiliate the parent”. Am I a bad parent because I don’t respond to my child’s every cry? Am I a bad mother because I allow her to scream as loud as she can? Am I a bad mother because I allow her to run around and explore and be wild and be fearless? Am I a bad mother because I don’t believe in flu shots? Am I a bad mother because I laugh (as I am taking her away from the crime scene) when my daughter tries to open other kid's presents or when she fights over a toy?
A friend of mine referred me to her friend to come for a clairvoyant reading and got a surprising answer. Her friend remembered me and my “wild” child from an event and her respond was that she can’t go to someone who is a bad mother. “Her child was running everywhere and she was out of control, that’s not how children behave in my family” was her response. She saw me as a bad mother and because I am a “bad” mother, I can’t be a professional.
I am also aware that there are many parents who don’t take care of their children, who do not love, who deserve to stay away from their children but I am talking about our own self inflicted judgments about ourselves and what kind of parents we are supposed to be.
How about a parent who is present and who is capable of laughing when his child makes a scene in the street, how about a parent who understands that other people’s opinion doesn’t matter, a parent who knows that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. There is only you and what’s happening within your inner world. If you think you are not doing such a good job being a parent, look within and find the voice. Perhaps, you are simply trying to please everyone and you are trying fit within cultural expectations and perhaps, you are being hard on yourself. Sometimes, you will lose your temper and that’s OK, sometimes you will lose your patience and that’s OK, sometimes you will want to run away from your children and that’s OK, sometimes you will miss your child so much that when you see her next time, you will hold her tight until she runs away from you, sometimes, you would want to spend all day with your children and it wouldn't be enough.
We simply do our best and we are simply human.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
I am amazed every day how much children absorb and learn from the environment they are in. There is nothing they miss, every event, every emotion, every thought, every TV program or a cartoon, every person has an impact on our children and their development. Yes, children pick up and learn a lot from us and from the environment but they also have their own information and experience as spiritual beings. I had an opportunity to play with a 4 year old recently who shared a profound wisdom and understanding. She said “I am going to be 5 years old and then 6, 7, 8, my mom’s age, my grandma’s age and then I am going to die to be a spirit and then I will be a baby again”
As adults, we ask the questions such as “who am I?” “Where am I heading?” “What’s my truth?” Answers to these questions require from us to go within, to explore our inner landscape, to get to know ourselves. As we teach our children about the wonders of outer world, we also can gently invite them to look within their inner world and learn how to find their own answers. The most important question is how we help children to go within and to know themselves.
Children start learning about the world around through play, interaction, exploration and they notice everything about their environment. They participate, they fight for a toy, they hug each other, they play in the water, in the dirt or sand and they also experience the world through touch, smell, and taste as young children. As they grow, they start asking very important questions such as “where did I come from?”, “who am I?” and “where am I going?” I was talking to a mom who wanted me to meet her child because he was asking questions about spirituality and where came from. Children just like us, want to know themselves and their truth. We help them to go within, explore their inner world by creating a safe environment full of permission to explore, to play, to imagine and to experiment, to express. We also need to find the capacity within to accept our children just the way they are, to accept them for who they are and not try to change anything. The purpose of being a mindful parent is to show your child how to define himself authentically within the world we live in, to help create a relationship with the outside world as well as to know his place within the world. Parenting is not to impose prefabricated definition of the world but to allow your child to create his own definition of the world around him.
To help our children to explore their inner world, we can start posing the right questions and give them space to find their answers. Questions such as "Why do you think this girl is crying?" "Where in your body do you feel discomfort?","What does you body tell you right now?", "What do you think about this event?","Can you be in 2 places the same time?","What would you like to do in this situation?"," Would you like to help?" etc
Through asking questions, we can invite them to pay attention to what's happening to their bodies, invite them to pay attention to their feelings, emotions, we can invite them to reflect and find their own answers.
As adults, we ask the questions such as “who am I?” “Where am I heading?” “What’s my truth?” Answers to these questions require from us to go within, to explore our inner landscape, to get to know ourselves. As we teach our children about the wonders of outer world, we also can gently invite them to look within their inner world and learn how to find their own answers. The most important question is how we help children to go within and to know themselves.
Children start learning about the world around through play, interaction, exploration and they notice everything about their environment. They participate, they fight for a toy, they hug each other, they play in the water, in the dirt or sand and they also experience the world through touch, smell, and taste as young children. As they grow, they start asking very important questions such as “where did I come from?”, “who am I?” and “where am I going?” I was talking to a mom who wanted me to meet her child because he was asking questions about spirituality and where came from. Children just like us, want to know themselves and their truth. We help them to go within, explore their inner world by creating a safe environment full of permission to explore, to play, to imagine and to experiment, to express. We also need to find the capacity within to accept our children just the way they are, to accept them for who they are and not try to change anything. The purpose of being a mindful parent is to show your child how to define himself authentically within the world we live in, to help create a relationship with the outside world as well as to know his place within the world. Parenting is not to impose prefabricated definition of the world but to allow your child to create his own definition of the world around him.
To help our children to explore their inner world, we can start posing the right questions and give them space to find their answers. Questions such as "Why do you think this girl is crying?" "Where in your body do you feel discomfort?","What does you body tell you right now?", "What do you think about this event?","Can you be in 2 places the same time?","What would you like to do in this situation?"," Would you like to help?" etc
Through asking questions, we can invite them to pay attention to what's happening to their bodies, invite them to pay attention to their feelings, emotions, we can invite them to reflect and find their own answers.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Freedom to play
Perhaps it is only my observation but we live in a culture where everyone wants to be in control. In a way we are becoming control freaks. Unfortunately, our attempts to control our environment, children, even significant others creates struggles in our day to day activities. When we are busy trying to control every aspect of our lives, we forget about being playful and silly.
If you ever have an opportunity to watch children, you will see that they learn about the world through play. Fredrick Froebel, the creator of kindergarten, emphasized that play is very much a spiritual activity; it is the self-active representation of our spiritual nature. Play gives children space to find and define themselves, to explore and use their imagination and creativity in the physical body.
Do you give yourself and you child a space to be playful? Today, create time and space for yourself and your child, forget about the responsibilities, work, bills, dinner and allow your inner child to come out. BE playful, BE present and have fun.
Irina G.
www.clairvoyantcounseling.com
If you ever have an opportunity to watch children, you will see that they learn about the world through play. Fredrick Froebel, the creator of kindergarten, emphasized that play is very much a spiritual activity; it is the self-active representation of our spiritual nature. Play gives children space to find and define themselves, to explore and use their imagination and creativity in the physical body.
Do you give yourself and you child a space to be playful? Today, create time and space for yourself and your child, forget about the responsibilities, work, bills, dinner and allow your inner child to come out. BE playful, BE present and have fun.
Irina G.
www.clairvoyantcounseling.com
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
7 ways to release stress
Stress is dominating our lives, we are stressed about economic situation, we are stressed about our work, relationships, responsibilities etc. Stress has become a big part of our lives and vocabulary. Here are few tips to release it.
1. Don’t avoid it; deal with it in the present moment. If you are having troubles or there is worry and stress in your life, you must deal with it in that moment. Indecision and avoiding the problem will only create more stress and problems. The body is always in the present time and is always reflecting what’s going in the present moment. If you are stressed in the present moment and if you decide to ignore it, consequently, you are ignoring the body and its signal to release the cause of the stress.
2. Be yourself, when you are trying to be someone else, for example trying to be a person that your boss wants you to be or changing your behavior to please someone. It changes your vibration and you start using someone else’s information in your body and that can cause stress in the cellular level.
3. Meditation: Create time for yourself everyday even if it’s only for 30 minutes. Creating a sanctuary space for yourself where you can give to yourself can reduce stress from your day. Meditation will help you release and find stillness within.
4. Avoid making excuses. Blaming other people or circumstance doesn’t help. Don’t play the “I am a victim” game. Take responsibility for your own actions.
5. Move the body. Small walks in the park, a yoga class, a jog or any physical activity will help you release stress from the body.
6. Slow down. Notice how fast you walk and slow down. Notice how fast you eat and slow down. Notice how fast you talk and slow down. Literally, slow your pace and you will notice less pressure and stress.
7. Don’t take things personally.
1. Don’t avoid it; deal with it in the present moment. If you are having troubles or there is worry and stress in your life, you must deal with it in that moment. Indecision and avoiding the problem will only create more stress and problems. The body is always in the present time and is always reflecting what’s going in the present moment. If you are stressed in the present moment and if you decide to ignore it, consequently, you are ignoring the body and its signal to release the cause of the stress.
2. Be yourself, when you are trying to be someone else, for example trying to be a person that your boss wants you to be or changing your behavior to please someone. It changes your vibration and you start using someone else’s information in your body and that can cause stress in the cellular level.
3. Meditation: Create time for yourself everyday even if it’s only for 30 minutes. Creating a sanctuary space for yourself where you can give to yourself can reduce stress from your day. Meditation will help you release and find stillness within.
4. Avoid making excuses. Blaming other people or circumstance doesn’t help. Don’t play the “I am a victim” game. Take responsibility for your own actions.
5. Move the body. Small walks in the park, a yoga class, a jog or any physical activity will help you release stress from the body.
6. Slow down. Notice how fast you walk and slow down. Notice how fast you eat and slow down. Notice how fast you talk and slow down. Literally, slow your pace and you will notice less pressure and stress.
7. Don’t take things personally.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
random thought
Very often we speak of our day as either negative or positive. I am having a good day or I am having a bad day. I remember visiting a friend's mom when I saw a magnet on the fridge about mom's mood "Mom is in a good mood or a bad mood" I was amused. I had never seen anything like it before.
As a mother, I know that there are moment in a day that can make us frustrated, perhaps angry and tired and very often we allow those few moments define our day and our mood. Now my day is ruined.
My favorite quote from my daughter today was "mommy, you are very silly" I loved it, it meant I let go off all my work, responsibilities, demands and I was having fun. I was playing. My day is just beginning, I am sure I will have moments of hardship and frustrations and I will have moments of ease and joy.
Today, find a peaceful moment and think of the time when you felt good, think of the moment when you felt joyful. After all, a day is not just one moment, it's a combination of different experiences. Which experience is important to you?
As a mother, I know that there are moment in a day that can make us frustrated, perhaps angry and tired and very often we allow those few moments define our day and our mood. Now my day is ruined.
My favorite quote from my daughter today was "mommy, you are very silly" I loved it, it meant I let go off all my work, responsibilities, demands and I was having fun. I was playing. My day is just beginning, I am sure I will have moments of hardship and frustrations and I will have moments of ease and joy.
Today, find a peaceful moment and think of the time when you felt good, think of the moment when you felt joyful. After all, a day is not just one moment, it's a combination of different experiences. Which experience is important to you?
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Amusement
I have a small business, I write, I take care of my child and try to have a social life and in between everything I like to slow down and give to myself. The point is I am busy all the time. Perhaps even too busy:)
One of the things that used to define "me" was me being a hard worker. I loved the drama, loved the fact that I could brag about how much I work and how stressful it was. Being a hard working woman was how I saw myself.
Today, I was called being lazy and for the first time in my life, it didn't affect me at all. As a matter of fact, I was amused. My self image is very different now, I create from easy and validation, there is no room in my universe for stress and others' drama.
Simply amusement and laughter.
One of the things that used to define "me" was me being a hard worker. I loved the drama, loved the fact that I could brag about how much I work and how stressful it was. Being a hard working woman was how I saw myself.
Today, I was called being lazy and for the first time in my life, it didn't affect me at all. As a matter of fact, I was amused. My self image is very different now, I create from easy and validation, there is no room in my universe for stress and others' drama.
Simply amusement and laughter.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Breath
As I write this article, my daughter is asleep, I am alone without any sounds in the house besides her breathing. I am trying to write but my mind keeps taking me to her breathing and I find it so comforting and calming. Part of me simply want to walk away from the computer and dive into the sounds of breath.
I am back an hour later and don't even remember what I wanted to write. It was incredible to walk away from the computer, writing, emailing, twittering, facebooking all the same time and listen to the soft, rhythmic breath of a child. I couldn't help but be in an awe, I was aware of the miracle of life. Sometimes, I still can't believe that we are able to create such an incredible miracle as life.
So I sat there, closed my eyes, went within and listened. Children come into our lives and show us that everything is possible, they bring joy, enthusiasm about life and they remind us by their presence that life is about play, laughter, communication and fun.
As adults, we make things complicated and hard, sometimes, we take things seriously and personally. As I sat there, listening to my daughters soft breathing, I kept thinking about how I have been raised to be an adult all the time, to be responsible all the time, to be serious all the time. In my culture, people even get rewarded for being serious. I started smiling, the breath kept bringing me to the present and I enjoyed the moment, nothing else. Just that moment of silence and stillness. At that point nothing mattered but the present. Just breathing.
I am back an hour later and don't even remember what I wanted to write. It was incredible to walk away from the computer, writing, emailing, twittering, facebooking all the same time and listen to the soft, rhythmic breath of a child. I couldn't help but be in an awe, I was aware of the miracle of life. Sometimes, I still can't believe that we are able to create such an incredible miracle as life.
So I sat there, closed my eyes, went within and listened. Children come into our lives and show us that everything is possible, they bring joy, enthusiasm about life and they remind us by their presence that life is about play, laughter, communication and fun.
As adults, we make things complicated and hard, sometimes, we take things seriously and personally. As I sat there, listening to my daughters soft breathing, I kept thinking about how I have been raised to be an adult all the time, to be responsible all the time, to be serious all the time. In my culture, people even get rewarded for being serious. I started smiling, the breath kept bringing me to the present and I enjoyed the moment, nothing else. Just that moment of silence and stillness. At that point nothing mattered but the present. Just breathing.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Permission
My 2 year old already knows the roads and when you are approaching home. Of course about 3 blocks away from home, she started screaming "no home" even though we just spent about 4 hours outdoors having fun.
As we approached, screaming got louder and louder. I have to say, I was very neutral that whole time, it was one of the few times that it didn't bother me, I didn't care what my neighbor are going to say or think. I simply was present and I was allowing my daughter to express her frustration.
It was really funny to see her follow my directions with cry and occasional scream. As we got to the elevator, the only thought in my head was "You are full of S**T little one"
I was very aware of her control tactic and I started laughing. As I laughed, she started laughing and our 2 minute ride in the elevator turned from a frustrated child to a happy child.
I believe it's the permission to express that children need very often. As parents, we can allow them to be without giving them control.
As we approached, screaming got louder and louder. I have to say, I was very neutral that whole time, it was one of the few times that it didn't bother me, I didn't care what my neighbor are going to say or think. I simply was present and I was allowing my daughter to express her frustration.
It was really funny to see her follow my directions with cry and occasional scream. As we got to the elevator, the only thought in my head was "You are full of S**T little one"
I was very aware of her control tactic and I started laughing. As I laughed, she started laughing and our 2 minute ride in the elevator turned from a frustrated child to a happy child.
I believe it's the permission to express that children need very often. As parents, we can allow them to be without giving them control.
Friday, July 3, 2009
random notes
Close you eyes. Imagine being little, having a little body and living in the world of "giants" and imagine being told what to do or what not to do all day long. Yes, children need order, boundaries and schedule but they don't like being told what to do all day long. Remind yourself that even though your children have small bodies, they have big spirits and big personalities that needs to be recognized.
I remember as child being told to say "thank you", "you are welcome", "Please" all the time and I also remember resisting it. I didn't like saying these words. I never wanted to say "thank you" not because I wasn't thankful because of the pressure that was placed upon me as a child. As a mother now, I start remembering many things about my own childhood and recently I realized that when my mother asked me to do something, she never said "please" or
" will you" or "you are welcome" but I was expected to say it. No wonder I resistant.
Today, I don't tell my daughter what to say. I show her by example. I thank others for sharing a toy, I say please when I want my daughter to do something etc.
We teach by example, we don't teach by simply saying the right words.
I remember as child being told to say "thank you", "you are welcome", "Please" all the time and I also remember resisting it. I didn't like saying these words. I never wanted to say "thank you" not because I wasn't thankful because of the pressure that was placed upon me as a child. As a mother now, I start remembering many things about my own childhood and recently I realized that when my mother asked me to do something, she never said "please" or
" will you" or "you are welcome" but I was expected to say it. No wonder I resistant.
Today, I don't tell my daughter what to say. I show her by example. I thank others for sharing a toy, I say please when I want my daughter to do something etc.
We teach by example, we don't teach by simply saying the right words.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Parenting from joy
I was talking to a friend of mine who is absolutely obsessed about organic foods, chemicals and doing everything right. I am also mindful of type of foods I put into my body and of course type of food my child is eating but her obsession was beyond food, she wanted to do everything perfectly. She would ask me as an intuitive if her daughter is OK? Is she having a good time? Is she healthy enough? Does she think I am a good mother? This was creating stress in her life, her obsession to do everything perfectly was making her tired and unhappy.
The amusing thing was that her daughter was fine and she was having a great time. My friend at the other hand had forgotten to look within and listen to herself, she was constantly relying what books say, what pediatrician says, what other people had to say etc. She was looking outside of herself to find answers. Her goal was to create a joyful life for her family full of laughter and exploration while within she was frustrated.
In order to find joy and parent from a space of joy, you need to find it within yourself. First step is start looking within, you have all your answers, we all have an innate knowledge of how to be a mother, a father, an aunt etc and it is beyond books. It lays within you waiting to be discovered.
Parenting from joy starts within, we parent from example. You may say the words, the right things to your child but if you are not following what you preach, no one will. Start by looking within and allow your light to shine, find your joy about life, about being a parent. Allow your intuition to open and trust what you know.
"Ultimate success comes from experiencing and listening to our hearts, our environment, our spirits, and those that we trust are saying to us. Freedom from what others dictate is right and wrong and their opinion on what works and what doesn't gives us wings to fly and experience life in a whole new way."
Mallika Chopra
The amusing thing was that her daughter was fine and she was having a great time. My friend at the other hand had forgotten to look within and listen to herself, she was constantly relying what books say, what pediatrician says, what other people had to say etc. She was looking outside of herself to find answers. Her goal was to create a joyful life for her family full of laughter and exploration while within she was frustrated.
In order to find joy and parent from a space of joy, you need to find it within yourself. First step is start looking within, you have all your answers, we all have an innate knowledge of how to be a mother, a father, an aunt etc and it is beyond books. It lays within you waiting to be discovered.
Parenting from joy starts within, we parent from example. You may say the words, the right things to your child but if you are not following what you preach, no one will. Start by looking within and allow your light to shine, find your joy about life, about being a parent. Allow your intuition to open and trust what you know.
"Ultimate success comes from experiencing and listening to our hearts, our environment, our spirits, and those that we trust are saying to us. Freedom from what others dictate is right and wrong and their opinion on what works and what doesn't gives us wings to fly and experience life in a whole new way."
Mallika Chopra
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Trusting your intuition
We tend to think that we live in civilized culture, we have computers,TVs, beautiful homes, a job, manners, activities that we tend to etc. We also tend to think of indigenous cultures as primitive cultures. But when it comes to parenting, indigenous cultures seem to know all about it, while in the civilized culture, many mothers and parents are struggling or tend to think of parenting as hard.
Jean Liedloff in her book "The continuum concept" paints a beautiful picture of Yequana tribe, their parenting. One of the things she notices when she was living amongst them, that their children didn't seem to have colic, they were very content and happy, they never threw temper tantrums. She observed the culture and mother-child relationship. Yequana children are never left alone, they are always with the mother or with other members of tribe, they are never left to cry. An infant in this tribe knows he is welcome, he knows his mothers warmth and presence.
I have an opportunity to be in the playgrounds with my daughter and I watch moms and dads chasing their children "Don't go far, I need to see you", "watch out, you will fall" etc and I can't help but think about the Jean Liedloff's book. She writes "A Yequana tot would not dream of straying from him mother on a forest trail, for she does not look behind to see whether he is following, she does not suggest that there is another choice to be made, or that it is her job to keep them together; she only slows her pace to one he can maintain. If he falls, her manner shows him that she is both businesslike and patient if ever she has to wait for him. It suggests that she knows that he will not take any more time that is gracefully necessary before they can continue their way. There is nothing of the judge in her".
I am aware that we live in a different society and we need to approach parenting from a different perspective. I believe that the difference between western and "uncivilized" cultures is the trust in intuition. They trust their intuition and instincts in parenting, in hunting, in survival etc. They don't have books, magazines to tell them how to parent and yet, children seem to be happy, content and psychologically healthy.
As I always say, trust your instincts and intuition. You know how to handle your child, you only need to trust your inner voice.
Jean Liedloff in her book "The continuum concept" paints a beautiful picture of Yequana tribe, their parenting. One of the things she notices when she was living amongst them, that their children didn't seem to have colic, they were very content and happy, they never threw temper tantrums. She observed the culture and mother-child relationship. Yequana children are never left alone, they are always with the mother or with other members of tribe, they are never left to cry. An infant in this tribe knows he is welcome, he knows his mothers warmth and presence.
I have an opportunity to be in the playgrounds with my daughter and I watch moms and dads chasing their children "Don't go far, I need to see you", "watch out, you will fall" etc and I can't help but think about the Jean Liedloff's book. She writes "A Yequana tot would not dream of straying from him mother on a forest trail, for she does not look behind to see whether he is following, she does not suggest that there is another choice to be made, or that it is her job to keep them together; she only slows her pace to one he can maintain. If he falls, her manner shows him that she is both businesslike and patient if ever she has to wait for him. It suggests that she knows that he will not take any more time that is gracefully necessary before they can continue their way. There is nothing of the judge in her".
I am aware that we live in a different society and we need to approach parenting from a different perspective. I believe that the difference between western and "uncivilized" cultures is the trust in intuition. They trust their intuition and instincts in parenting, in hunting, in survival etc. They don't have books, magazines to tell them how to parent and yet, children seem to be happy, content and psychologically healthy.
As I always say, trust your instincts and intuition. You know how to handle your child, you only need to trust your inner voice.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Inspiration
If someone told me 5 year ago that I will have my own successful business, that I will be writing and enjoying motherhood, I would have told them that they are insane. Motherhood? no way. Writing? Are you kidding me? I can barely speak English:) Business? I don't have the capacity. That's what I would have told them.
Now, I am a mother of a 2 year old, I run a successful business and I love writing about joy of parenting, children and what it's like to be a clairvoyant parent.
After the birth of my daughter, I was inspired. I was inspired by her presence, I was inspired by the miracle of birth and life. I started doing things I feared. I quit my secure job, I started a business doing the thing I loved the most, I started teaching and enjoying life. Fear followed me around and I found it in every corner of the street but I released it each time I noticed it. I kept being inspired by children and their amazing capacity of doing things with no effort. They just simply don't have the concept of limits and impossibility.
From the moment of inspiration I learned about passion and doing the things with absolute passion and ease.
Be inspired by your children and their wisdom. As my daughter says " Don't worry mommy"
Now, I am a mother of a 2 year old, I run a successful business and I love writing about joy of parenting, children and what it's like to be a clairvoyant parent.
After the birth of my daughter, I was inspired. I was inspired by her presence, I was inspired by the miracle of birth and life. I started doing things I feared. I quit my secure job, I started a business doing the thing I loved the most, I started teaching and enjoying life. Fear followed me around and I found it in every corner of the street but I released it each time I noticed it. I kept being inspired by children and their amazing capacity of doing things with no effort. They just simply don't have the concept of limits and impossibility.
From the moment of inspiration I learned about passion and doing the things with absolute passion and ease.
Be inspired by your children and their wisdom. As my daughter says " Don't worry mommy"
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Play
Kids experience, discover, destroy through play and wonder. From the moment, my daughter opens her eyes in the morning, she is playing, singing, laughing, dancing, screaming, destroying, breaking....
It's amazing to see the energy and the enthusiasm children have about life, about their body, about exploration and being alive. By their presence, very often they teach us to laugh more, they teach us to stop taking things so seriously and remind us about play and creativity.
By the time I was 16 year old, I was told that I can't play any more because I need to be responsible and serious, I need to be an adult. In the present day, I get accuses of being "silly", "childish", "you never learned to take life seriously", "you never grew up".
As we become parents, we are also becoming children, we are remembering the power of play and wonder and imagination. As parents,we are learning to step away from the responsibilities for a while and be present and play. Through our children, we are healing ourselves. Children inspire us everyday by their presence in our lives. They don't have a concept of future, fear, doubt, responsibility and all that adult stuff. They use their imagination, they believe in miracles, they create miracles everyday. There are no limits in their universe.
Become inspired by your children and remember your unlimited power of playfulness and creativity.
It's amazing to see the energy and the enthusiasm children have about life, about their body, about exploration and being alive. By their presence, very often they teach us to laugh more, they teach us to stop taking things so seriously and remind us about play and creativity.
By the time I was 16 year old, I was told that I can't play any more because I need to be responsible and serious, I need to be an adult. In the present day, I get accuses of being "silly", "childish", "you never learned to take life seriously", "you never grew up".
As we become parents, we are also becoming children, we are remembering the power of play and wonder and imagination. As parents,we are learning to step away from the responsibilities for a while and be present and play. Through our children, we are healing ourselves. Children inspire us everyday by their presence in our lives. They don't have a concept of future, fear, doubt, responsibility and all that adult stuff. They use their imagination, they believe in miracles, they create miracles everyday. There are no limits in their universe.
Become inspired by your children and remember your unlimited power of playfulness and creativity.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Wisdom of a child
The greatest conversation I had today was with a 4 year old. She mentioned that she wants to be a monster doctor and heal all the monsters. When I asked her about the monsters, she grew excited and proceeded to tell me more about them and how some of them are angels, some of them are stuck and some of them are her friends and playmates. I validated her and spoke about the monsters and said hello to them.
As parent, do you listen to your child? They see more than most adults and they know things. Even though, children have small bodies (sometimes we tend to think, that they don't know anything because they don't have the experience), they have big spirits. As a spirit, a child has tremendous amount of information, experiences and intelligence.
Slow down, listen to your child. You might learn something.
As parent, do you listen to your child? They see more than most adults and they know things. Even though, children have small bodies (sometimes we tend to think, that they don't know anything because they don't have the experience), they have big spirits. As a spirit, a child has tremendous amount of information, experiences and intelligence.
Slow down, listen to your child. You might learn something.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Overwhelm
Being a parent is the most amazing, exciting, adventurous, spiritual experience of all but meantime, it can be overwhelming from time to time. It is a mistake to think that if you are a stay home mom, it means you have all the time in the world, that your job is not important. Being a mom is undervalued in our society. Sometimes, parents don’t get a lot of validation from the world around us; sometimes we forget how challenging the job of parenting can be. We are expected to be busy, to give ourselves away, to give our attention away and to have “important” things to do. Overwhelm in our lives is the attempt to do everything and do everything perfectly. As mothers, we are taking on the household responsibilities, we nurture, we give, we problem solve for others and as a result, we become scattered. Our energy becomes scattered and when as a spiritual being we are not present in the body, we get tired; we get stresses, overwhelmed by the responsibilities and our children’s constant demand for attention and stimulation. If a mom spends all the day with children, she is deprived of adult stimulation and she really needs intellectual, emotional support from others. I know many moms do it but I will mention it anyways. Creating a mom playgroup or going for a walk in the park with other moms is a wonderful way of creating space to interact with other adults and meantime, give your children space to play together. It will help you create a little separation between you and your child and it gives both sides a space to be, to grow. As a parent, it will give you the space to step away from the role of “being a mommy” and be yourself.
When you are notice how overwhelmed you are, create few minutes for yourself to relax. Find a comfortable chair, sit and notice your breath. Start bringing your awareness to your body and notice where in your body you keep all the tightness and uneasiness. Now imagine connecting the base of your spine to the center of the planet with a line of energy. I call this being grounded. Imagine all the demand, stress and overwhelm leave your space, release it and be PRESENT with your body. Stay present and open to whatever miracles the day will bring to you.
When you are notice how overwhelmed you are, create few minutes for yourself to relax. Find a comfortable chair, sit and notice your breath. Start bringing your awareness to your body and notice where in your body you keep all the tightness and uneasiness. Now imagine connecting the base of your spine to the center of the planet with a line of energy. I call this being grounded. Imagine all the demand, stress and overwhelm leave your space, release it and be PRESENT with your body. Stay present and open to whatever miracles the day will bring to you.
Friday, April 24, 2009
what is spirituality and spiritual parenting?
Before we touch the subject of parenting, children and spiritual parenting, it's best to look at the concept of spirituality. There are many seminars, books, practices teaching us about spirituality and how to become a spiritual person. Of course, this is not a problem but I don't see spirituality as something you need to attain, you already are a spiritual being. You don't have to go, be or do something to become one. It is how much you are aware of your spiritual nature and your spiritual abilities. Yes, you are a spiritual being and you are also a physical being. Spirituality begins with self-understanding in many different levels and self-awareness. Spirituality is the art of knowing yourself as a spirit, knowing your body, your mind, your breath...
As Pandit Rajmani Tigunait says "Spirituality begins and ends with self-transformation" You don't have to do something to become a spiritual parent, spiritual human being, you already ARE. You are in the place of learning to be in touch with yourself, with your body, to access your truth, your certainty, your spiritual information.
Spiritual parenting starts when you know yourself, you know your place in the universe, you know your truth, you have your certainty and your answers, you know your spiritual information. Spiritual parenting is being present, being calm and certain around your child. It's parenting from the space of being grounded and being calm. When you are present as a parent, you create a safe space for you and your child. Because you are grounded and present, you know what your child needs both physically and spiritually. Being present creates a safe environment to parent from.
Spiritual parenting is your ability to see your child as a spiritual being, it's your ability to foster that for them, to create an environment where they can grow, express, wonder and imagine.
As Pandit Rajmani Tigunait says "Spirituality begins and ends with self-transformation" You don't have to do something to become a spiritual parent, spiritual human being, you already ARE. You are in the place of learning to be in touch with yourself, with your body, to access your truth, your certainty, your spiritual information.
Spiritual parenting starts when you know yourself, you know your place in the universe, you know your truth, you have your certainty and your answers, you know your spiritual information. Spiritual parenting is being present, being calm and certain around your child. It's parenting from the space of being grounded and being calm. When you are present as a parent, you create a safe space for you and your child. Because you are grounded and present, you know what your child needs both physically and spiritually. Being present creates a safe environment to parent from.
Spiritual parenting is your ability to see your child as a spiritual being, it's your ability to foster that for them, to create an environment where they can grow, express, wonder and imagine.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Seriousness vs. Playfullness
Over the years, I have observed people and their behavior in social settings. I enjoyed going for interviews and see what kind of questions they are going to ask me. I never knew how to prepare myself for an interview and how to “sell” myself during the interview. One thing that I noticed is that you are expected to be serious. I remember once I mentioned to the interviewer that I really liked the position and I have a good time doing the job (which I did for the past 7 years without telling anyone). He looked me and asked how I felt about stress and how I am planning to handle it. What stress? I was just talking about enjoying the job. You don’t have to guess. I didn’t get the job. I wasn’t “serious” enough about it. One of my favorite comments from someone I knew in college was “I thought you would be a serious person by now”. I had to disappoint her. The fact is, I haven’t become a serious person with “serious” problems, with a “serious” job etc. I am just having a pretty good time. I do something that I love and enjoy, I play with my family and friends and I can’t wait to see what other surprises life can bring to me.
In this society, people are rewarded for be serious, overworked, busy while being playful, enjoying the job is very often suspicious. When you step out of seriousness, you will start seeing that you don’t have to run after the things you want, you don’t have to create with effort; you don’t have to compete with someone else for the things you want. You may even enjoy your life as you learn to approach life with ease, joy and playfulness; you will realize that there are very few problems in your life, if any at all. Life stops becoming a burden and it becomes an opportunity to create, to express and to experience the things you want.
Imagine a day when you are not affected by what TV says about economy, you are not affected by fear and worry, politics, other people’s problems or what they think of you. You can simply be aware of it without allowing it to affect you.
Imagine a day when you can create your own reality with playfulness, joy and ease.
So go out there and have a good time. Look around. Notice the birds, notice the sky, the trees, notice your breath, and notice the things you have created in your life. You are alive!!! Enjoy and go through life as child. Be present. Play. Create. Appreciate.
In this society, people are rewarded for be serious, overworked, busy while being playful, enjoying the job is very often suspicious. When you step out of seriousness, you will start seeing that you don’t have to run after the things you want, you don’t have to create with effort; you don’t have to compete with someone else for the things you want. You may even enjoy your life as you learn to approach life with ease, joy and playfulness; you will realize that there are very few problems in your life, if any at all. Life stops becoming a burden and it becomes an opportunity to create, to express and to experience the things you want.
Imagine a day when you are not affected by what TV says about economy, you are not affected by fear and worry, politics, other people’s problems or what they think of you. You can simply be aware of it without allowing it to affect you.
Imagine a day when you can create your own reality with playfulness, joy and ease.
So go out there and have a good time. Look around. Notice the birds, notice the sky, the trees, notice your breath, and notice the things you have created in your life. You are alive!!! Enjoy and go through life as child. Be present. Play. Create. Appreciate.
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