As a working mom, I am constantly in touch with Internet, my phone which I love so much, I am in constant communication with clients and I also guilty of spending time in Facebook doing nothing.
Today, I have destroyed my phone, not intentionally. Instead of running to At&t to get a new one, I decided to spend the day away from Internet and phone. I started to look around, I spend 3 hours at the beach with my family enjoying the beautiful weather and playing with waves, writing on the sand, counting endless seashells and flying a kite for the first time in my life. I was aware of the "need" to check my email, to post something unnecessary and silly on Facebook. What are my friends up to? What if a client called? Soon my attention went to the sounds of ocean and I remembered. I remembered how much I like to be still, how much I love the nature and the arguing ocean, the sky, the clouds and how beautiful San Francisco is. It resulted in a happy me, a happy mommy and a happy family. I noticed that my daughter has been singing all day and she is not requiring my constant attention. She is happy and content just to be around us. I know it's because I am not obsessed with my computer or a project or if there is a new application for Iphone. My energy is calm and she is calm. If she needs my attention, she will come to me and I am HERE.
Do you ever wonder why kids would touch the very thing you don't want them to touch. It's because you have placed your attention on the object rather than yourself. If they need you, they go where you have placed your attention. Today, let's practice separating ourselves from the world of technology and recognize each other as spirits, let's shower ourselves with our own attention. So if you want to get your nails done, please do. If you want to do yoga, go ahead. Golf game? Why not?
Happy Sunday!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Being Present
As humans, we get spread out everyday, we spread our attention at work, we worry about paying bills, what's for dinner, what's going on politically, there is so much stimulation everyday in our lives that we literally have to spread ourselves between tomorrow, yesterday, endless to do lists. On the other side, children are always in the present moment, they are not concerned with tomorrow, what happened 2 hours ago, they are simply present every moment and they are observing, learning and interacting with their environment in the present time. Being present also means being in communication with the body, it means that children are in touch with themselves and their bodies.
As parents who are busy, working, teaching, cleaning, cooking, planning the future is hard to stay in the present moment and listen to our bodies and what the body is telling us. We are always busy running from one event to others, from one thought to another, we are constantly in communication with people and giving to ourselves usually is the last thing on the menu. Of course, the consequence is overwhelm, stress and non existent patience with a child.
Imagine, being in the environment where everything flows easily, effortlessly, you are grounded and present. No stress. No overwhelm. No worries. Imagine being in the present moment and communicating with your child in the present. Dealing with an issue or a tantrum in the present moment and move on, deal with another scream from the space of calm and stillness and move on.
Now take a deep breath parents and notice your body. Pay attention to your breath without changing anything. As you bring your attention to your body, it will bring yourself in the present time. Keep breathing, notice the sky, notice your feet, smell the food and BE present to what surprises a day can bring in your doorstep.
As parents who are busy, working, teaching, cleaning, cooking, planning the future is hard to stay in the present moment and listen to our bodies and what the body is telling us. We are always busy running from one event to others, from one thought to another, we are constantly in communication with people and giving to ourselves usually is the last thing on the menu. Of course, the consequence is overwhelm, stress and non existent patience with a child.
Imagine, being in the environment where everything flows easily, effortlessly, you are grounded and present. No stress. No overwhelm. No worries. Imagine being in the present moment and communicating with your child in the present. Dealing with an issue or a tantrum in the present moment and move on, deal with another scream from the space of calm and stillness and move on.
Now take a deep breath parents and notice your body. Pay attention to your breath without changing anything. As you bring your attention to your body, it will bring yourself in the present time. Keep breathing, notice the sky, notice your feet, smell the food and BE present to what surprises a day can bring in your doorstep.
Monday, February 22, 2010
learning to laugh
Sometimes, it's so easy to be frustrated as a parent.We have house chores, work, bill to pay, responsibilities and to do lists where you can't even see the end. It seems that the weight of the world is on your shoulders. We want to do the best of our children, we want to be the best for our children and we want to teach them about the world around them and how to interact with it. But sometimes we forget that they are their own unique individuals who want to experience things also, even if we don't approve of it. I notice that my daughter is very attracted to some behavior that we don't approve of. She will observe these children in the playground, at the day care, in the streets and will try to imitate them. I guess, I shouldn't say try, she does. If I try to stop it, things get worse and more frustrated. So I learned to allow her to have her experience while I can simply BE and DO what feels good to me. The beauty of it is that because she has permission to experience a new energy, a new behavior, she doesn't get stuck on it for too long. She gets back to being herself and she moves on to a new adventure.
Children don't learn by listening or us telling them to what to do, they learn my watching us, by imitating. I can't expect my daughter to behave certain way if I am not acting according to what I preach. I learned not to place expectations upon her but simply show her social rules of engagement by acting. Frustrations fade away because as a mother I am simply BEING not EXPECTING. I am being in charge and showing her by my own behavior. The miracle happens. She response with joy and enthusiasm and we create a healthy, happy environment to grow, to change and to experience.
Just like my 3 year says "Don't worry mommy, just smile and laugh"
Children don't learn by listening or us telling them to what to do, they learn my watching us, by imitating. I can't expect my daughter to behave certain way if I am not acting according to what I preach. I learned not to place expectations upon her but simply show her social rules of engagement by acting. Frustrations fade away because as a mother I am simply BEING not EXPECTING. I am being in charge and showing her by my own behavior. The miracle happens. She response with joy and enthusiasm and we create a healthy, happy environment to grow, to change and to experience.
Just like my 3 year says "Don't worry mommy, just smile and laugh"
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Perfection or growth?
As parent, it is very normal to get overwhelmed and stressed. Demands of life and responsibilities bring more stress and more frustration into our parenting space. The question is "Why so much overwhelm and demand as parent, where is the joy in parenting?"
Stress and overwhelm usually happens when we try to do everything perfectly, when we try to please others before we even have the chance to look into the mirror in the morning. The truth is we can't do everything perfectly because perfection leads to static, perfection is non-movement. More we try to get to the point of perfection, more we get stuck and hence more stress. There are also many expectations from us as parents; people expect us to have our children behave at all time, our families place their own expectations upon us as a new family, moms expect their daughter to raise their children just the way they did it etc. So very often we spend most of our creative energy trying to fit within this expectations and we forget about our own intuition and information.
Family is not about having the house clean at all time, make sure everything is perfect, dinner is ready on time everyday etc. Family space is certainly not about being a perfect wife or husband, a perfect parent. Daily routines and activities are very important; cooking is a very creative space and cleaning has its own satisfaction but when we try to do it perfectly or from a space of overwhelm, it becomes a chore and another thing on our to do list that we don't really want to do but have to.
Family is space of growth and play. There should be permission to play, to laugh, to cry, to have tantrums,to break objects, to make mistakes, to have new experiences and to be who you want to be. As we grow and change so will our family space. There is always movement and change in this space. Allow it to be what it is, a space of movement and growth. Be in the present moment, be grounded and don't forget to have fun.
Stress and overwhelm usually happens when we try to do everything perfectly, when we try to please others before we even have the chance to look into the mirror in the morning. The truth is we can't do everything perfectly because perfection leads to static, perfection is non-movement. More we try to get to the point of perfection, more we get stuck and hence more stress. There are also many expectations from us as parents; people expect us to have our children behave at all time, our families place their own expectations upon us as a new family, moms expect their daughter to raise their children just the way they did it etc. So very often we spend most of our creative energy trying to fit within this expectations and we forget about our own intuition and information.
Family is not about having the house clean at all time, make sure everything is perfect, dinner is ready on time everyday etc. Family space is certainly not about being a perfect wife or husband, a perfect parent. Daily routines and activities are very important; cooking is a very creative space and cleaning has its own satisfaction but when we try to do it perfectly or from a space of overwhelm, it becomes a chore and another thing on our to do list that we don't really want to do but have to.
Family is space of growth and play. There should be permission to play, to laugh, to cry, to have tantrums,to break objects, to make mistakes, to have new experiences and to be who you want to be. As we grow and change so will our family space. There is always movement and change in this space. Allow it to be what it is, a space of movement and growth. Be in the present moment, be grounded and don't forget to have fun.
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