judgment

I write about judgment a lot, I am not sure why. Perhaps, I see it in every aspect of our lives. We have been taught to place a judgment on everything, from clothes, to behavior, towards the weather, the person sitting next to us etc. I also notice that as parents, we tend to jump to judgment when dealing with our children. We were in the playground when a child came to me and told me that my daughter is not a good person. I was shocked. I was hearing this sentence from a 4 year old. When did 4 year old children start judging instead of dreaming, playing and being children? Let's not forget that children simply mimic our behavior. If they see their parents judge someone, they are going to do the same. And the pattern continues.

Sometimes, we forget how sensitive children are, they are very connected to both worlds and very sensitive to their environment and the energy in that space. You may smile and tell your child that everything is OK but they know if something isn't. Same way with judgment. There is no need to say anything but if you are judging your child, it affect them immediately and they are more likely to rebel and resist. Usually with younger children it comes out in a form of a tantrum and misbehavior.

My daughter has a strong character and she is not shy about being aggressive and take things from other children. As a parent, it's my job to teach her about manners, not hitting, being police and being socially acceptable. When I see her do something she is not supposed to do, I also notice the urge to judge. I take a moment, take a deep breath and I center myself and deal with her from the space of calm and seniority. It's not about punishment or judgment. Parenting is a communication space and a space to be present and mindful. To be mindful also means to be aware and neutral to what's going on around you, there is no judgment, there is only a present moment to be, to witness your thoughts, feelings, impulse to judge and so on. Presence allows us to see that parenting is a spiritual path filled to joy, tears, frustration, sometimes anger and so on. We practice being present when we ask ourselves, where am I right now? Why am I so upset about this? Where do I hold this pain in my body? What triggered me? Does this have to do anything with my parents and my childhood? How can I release it and be more present and gentle to myself?

Now take a deep breath and be present. Through presence, we are able to practice the art of centering and we are able to access our own spiritual information as parents rather than dealing with children from our automatic habits learned from our family and society.

Trust your intuition and trust you instincts.