Tantrums

I have noticed that when there is a mother with a child in public, everyone's attention goes towards them. We like to watch them and place judgments "he is a good father or she is not a good mother etc" We do it everyday. We place judgments on everything every day. Many people even watch really TV and thrive by judging others. Judgment is a very popular thing we do daily. Even if it's unspoken, people can feel it. Children are very sensitive to it and will always react to it sometimes by throwing a tantrum, resisting it, crying and doing something not socially acceptable.

I was standing in the line at the coffee shop when a mother with a year old walked in. Everyone's eyes were on the kid and on the mother. Sometimes it seems there is a parent police in the public. We tend to forget that children are very sensitive and very aware of energy. When everyone is placing their attention on them, very often they don't like it. There is too much energy and attention on them. Even some adults don't like to be in the center of attention in the middle of coffee shop where they don't know anyone. Back to my story, he started to cry and wanted to get out of the stroller and go outside. Meantime, the mother who is also under surveillance is trying to make sure he doesn't lose it and throw a tantrum in public. What would all these people think? Unconsciously, we tend to place a pressure on the mother and on the child. If a mother cares what other people think about her, he will compromise herself to make sure the child isn't crying. She will take him outside (not that it's a problem), she will try to talk to him and explain why he needs to stay calm, she will do anything to prevent a tantrum. Why? What's wrong with a child throwing a tantrum. I don't think there is anything wrong. It's just our society has placed a negative judgment on it and as parents, we react to it.
Tantrums. We tend to view them as a problem. A perfect child never throws tantrum according to some people. I had an opportunity to meet parents who wanted their 3 year to sit still for 4 hours. In their universe, a good child sits still and never throws a tantrum.
I suggest viewing a tantrum NOT as a problem but as an event where the child is not himself/herself. She has lost herself and lost her space. As a parent, our job is to help them find themselves and their truth Not punish them for a tantrum. Tantrum is not a problem, tantrums start from placing too much attention on them, asking them to do too much, placing too many expectation on children and they rebel. Sometimes, children throw tantrums because the adults around are not present and are not being in charge. Even though children like to control parents, especially after 2 years old and like to be in charge, they are still children and their bodies don't have enough information to handle everything. If a child is in charge, he will melt down, if a parent is not present, she will scream to bring the parent into the present time.
Tantrum is their way of expression and communication, it's a way of releasing the energy that has been placed in their space. Giving them space and permission to express will release the energy and will give a child space to find himself. As my daughter says after a loud scream or a tantrum "I am better now mommy"
Now, take a deep breath or two, notice your body, notice if you are centered and present in the body. Parenting is a space where we grow, we learn to communicate, we learn to be present and in charge while giving our children the space to be themselves. Don't worry about what others are saying, whispering to one another. Simply recognize that your own family is unique and how you handle your each child is going to be unique. Don't allow other people expectations or demands to dictate your next move and your truth in parenting.